I'm trying to do my lit. paper right now, comparing Whitman to a beat poet (John Wieners), but I can't seem to find any of his works (his being John Wieners', obviously) online. WHY MUST THE INTERWEBZ BE FAILING ME NOW?! D:

EDIT: Ahhh shoot, the county library system can't seem to find anything either.

EDIT-2: ALL MY LOVE ARE BELONG TO air! ♥♥♥

Posted more emo-riffic Cloud/Aerith here. Read if you want. Am also looking for that one Cloud/Tifa thing I wrote eons ago. I'm sure it's in my computer somewhere, but I can't quite remember where.

APES test tomorrow--am not looking forward to it, I'm definitely underprepared 'cause my teacher (while very intelligent about current events concerning the state of the environment), does very little in the way of teaching the actual curriculum necessary for me to pass the test without me resorting to my AP Biology knowledge (and etc. facts stuffed away in my brain).

Oh yes, signed up for orientation at CalPoly--July 15th/16th, so hopefully that'll work out nicely. :)

- i contacted some contacts in lincoln and a certain program director wants to meet with me when i get in to lincoln. i am pretty stoked. i have to go meet with one other person, as well. i am happy knowing my options and EXCITED.

- i was supposed to film today but it was canceled due to: drama. oh well.

- a few days ago, after having my bank card for six months, i realized my last name is spelled wrong.

- i saw joel today and did a bit of catching up, it was nice! hopefully we will have dinner before i go back to the states.

- if someone wants to buy me a present and buy me paid lj time, that would be nice. >_>

- so i've been listening to sound opinions from chicago public radio, and OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO BEHIND THE TIMES. they're just talking about flight of the conchords and metalocalypse NOW?

one of them warrants talking about, by the way. i'll let YOU figure out which one it is.

i've also tried giving black mountain another try. if you haven't already listened to in the future, give it a shot. also, the mountain goats' heretic pride is a great album to devour after you've found yourself kind of burnt out on the weakerthans (hint hint miranda)

oh and everyone needs to download real emotional trash by mr stephen malkmus and the jicks. fucking AWESOME.

He had the motive and the means and a weapons to match

My rarely seen doll, dear Adia, who is in need of a new faceup. Actually I've been planning on redoing it for months now but well, lazy. Taken with my roommate's camera that I borrowed to take pics of some for sale items. Tried to diffuse the flash a bit since it's the middle of the night here and it was needed.

I really want to get her some nice eyes and ED eyes come in 8mm but I bought some 8mm glass eyes off ebay that looked way too big in her so I dunno.

This Friday will be one month for Lark, so I'm hoping that means she'll be shipping soon.

rebecky and i went shopping today and bought a bunch of grown up clothes for our new jobs. she's starting at sentry insurance on june 2nd, so we're both pretty excited that we're going to have little desks and little computers and we can be adults now.
i really only have a few things left to get. i need some pants because i have dress pants but they're too long to wear with flats and i don't want to wear heels everyday. some days yes, but not everyday.
dropped way too much money, but i'll be looking cute so i don't care.

my ankle is doing much better. kind of stiff, but if i walk a certain way it doesn't hurt anymore. major plus. i don't like looking like a gimp everywhere i go.

i went to partner's with trisha and julie last night. we had a good time. didn't stay long, didn't get too drunk, but we had a good time.

ian is in minneapolis for the weekend and it's weird not to talk to him. i kinda miss the kid. he's at a death metal festival and i'm a little jealous.

we're having a housewarming party at ryan's funeral home apartment on june 7th. it's a "make your own theme" party. so basically everybody picks their own theme and then comes as whatever they want. my friends and i have decided that we're going as shopko ho's. we're going to wear our blue shopko polos, cake on whorish makeup, tease our hair ridiculously, and then put on long fake fingernails.
best theme idea ever. i think we'll pwn anybody else's theme that shows up there.

i must go do exercise things now. and start my indiana jones marathon.

Okay, you were right. I need to learn how to loosen up while drawing cause right now I just went emo over being unable to do a quick pose under sketch. I guess I can't keep on relying on just the computer and its lovely erase, undo and history because I'm just crippling myself further.

My sketchbook rejoices as it'll get love again.

But first sleep, because at this point I'll probably gouge it full of holes in frustration.

Druid healing = fun. To think I quit my old druid because I hated healing. :D

Can't wait till 70 and the pillar hugging.

Less than a month till I see James. <3

things i have to do by the end of summer 2008:

1. swim in the ocean:
a pretty standard goal for any person in a land-locked province. since i've never been to an actual beach before, i will be killing two birds with one stone. do you guys have any idea how cool it is to make up a goal for your summer and then have it put into reality in less than three days? the (new?) gang of four is going to texas and staying 0.4 miles from a beach on the gulf of mexico.

2. lose 20lbs:
what is a list of goals if it doesn't include something shallow? this will be relatively easy considering how little i eat in regina, and how much time i anticipate spending running around screaming "AHHHH" during the bachelor party / wedding / move / vacation

3. create a legitimate piece of art:
something i could potentially hang where i'm living and be proud of.

4. make REAL plans to visit octygold sometime this fall (i'm thinking maybe last week of november?):
because a mitten needs to meet it's other half. and, you know. wicked super funtimes.

6. pick up some kind of sport:
because i am tired of being lazy and sore all the time. if it comes down to it, i WILL take up jogging.

7. birdwatch:
i love it and i want to do more of it but lack the knowledge. i will fix it and put in a decent effort.

8. sleep outside:
wether it be camping or just passing out drunk somewhere. i don't care! it must be done.

9. write to everyone:
i owe a lot of people mail (and some people owe ME mail, friends!) and i plan on finally catching up on all of it.

10. sing karaoke:
i have never done it. and i don't know if i want to. but this is all about growth, right? ;)


do you guys have summer goals? mine are pretty easy and low-commitment. and i like that.

so i sprained my ankle really badly on saturday night at the angelus. so badly that i had to go home early. i could barely walk.
i've spent the past 3 days mostly laying on my bed with my foot elevated and iced. it's not broken and there are no bones out of place, so for as bad of a sprain as it was i'm pleased that it seems to be healing so quickly. i didn't go to the doctor because they'd charge me a couple hundred dollars just to tell me what i already know. stay off of it. keep it up. ice it.
i can put weight on it and it's not hot, so i know there's nothing broken.
and really it doesn't hurt anymore, it's just swollen a bit and i can feel that it's weak. and it's also bruised as though someone took a baseball bat to it.

but i'm looking on the bright side. i got sunday and monday off of work because of it. i didn't have to work today or wednesday.
and if i hadn't sprained it i would've ended up at a certain gentleman's house having sex on saturday night, which i've decided not to do at this point until the said gentleman decides what he wants from me.
because even though i've decided to wait to have sex with this guy, i admit that i am human and could be persuaded. such as, he could take off his clothes and say "let's do it" and i'd be like "well that's a very convincing argument that i have no rebuttal for. let's have sex then."
so yeah.

i'm getting pretty bored from just sitting here. there's only so much tv i can watch and so many games i can play.
the weather's been amazing and all i've wanted to do is sit outside :-(

but i AM going to stone temple pilots on july 4th, so be jealous :-p
i must sleep now. i'm spending time with my amanda in the morning and then i have to go to a meeting at the angelus in the afternoon. good times.

Squeaky (IJ Site Admin) has put in his nomination for the LJ Advisory Board. Won't you go support him? This would be an excellent thing for all clone sites - IJ, scribbld, CJ, etc - if there was someone to speak up for them. Of all of the site admins, I personally feel Squeaky is the not only the best, the most mature, and the most qualified, but is certainly the friendliest to all users. Just read how he handles InsaneJournal here and see the huge amount of praise he acquires with every post.

So please do swing by the link above, read it, and support him if it's something you'll be interested in. If you really do enjoy using your clone site journal instead of LJ, you WILL want to support this 110%.

ETA: Thank you everyone who has showed their support so far. I do apologize that this is my first post in forever here.. but I've just not been in much of a journaling mood, being swamped with RL stuff. I'm so glad to see people still read my entries though... :) Here's hoping I can come back soon enough.

She already has enough support to have secured a nomination, but I encourage you to vote for her when election time comes. She's uniquely qualified to be an advisory board member because she is connected to basically every aspect of the LJ community, and I know she'll represent the interests of every single user on this site while keeping in mind LiveJournal's business needs.

i am currently in talks with some people about trying to work out a trip to the ocean. it is proving more difficult than imagined. one of my goals is to swim in the ocean by the end of the summer.

i may end up in the vancouver area, looking for a place to stay. COME ON FRIENDSLIST, WHO WANTS TO HOST ME AND MY WICKED FRIENDS FOR A FEW DAYS??? MITTEN I'M LOOKING AT YOU >___>

if not the ocean, then something. vegas, colorado, south carolina, and oregon have all been mentioned. i'm pretty sure at the end of june, though, there is going to be a roadtrip. SOMEWHERE. as has been the status quo for my life for the past 5 years.

i filed my taxes. my mom's taxes. my dad's taxes. had a slurpee. snuggled my cats. and now i'm going to go and get lunch at china doll. my bedroom has no power and none of the trees have buds yet. regina is the same as ever. i'm at atlantis. this coffee is giving me a headache, but they're playing heartbreaker and summerteeth and aimee mann and i'm kind of scared that if i leave the coffee shop, i will never hear such a good mix in a coffee shop again.

edit: they played john mayer i'm out of here

The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.

-Robert M. Hutchins

Don't let the pigs win!

Perhaps not the best placement decision in regards to the wavy underlines.

yesterday i was offered a position as a claims specialist with AIG and i took it.
i have to put in my two weeks notice today at shopko and my first day with AIG will be may 19th.
i'm kinda really excited. this is a huge deal for me. i'll finally have a career. and a pay increase.

i realized on wednesday how badly i need to quit shopko. i was so angry only 45 minutes after the start of my shift. the place has gone downhill pretty quickly in the short time that emerance has left. i miss him. when he was there, everything was different. he held the front end together. now it's mass chaos and it's way too stressful to be there any longer. i'm going to miss the place. i've met my best friends through shopko. and it's sort of our social central. even if we're all going to go and hang out, we usually meet up at the shopko. but i need to move beyond it. i'm 22 years old and i'm way overdue for getting something going with my life.
emerance is the closest thing i have to a mentor. he's been in chippewa falls for about a month now. i called him yesterday for advice. he was actually at work at the shopko there but we talked for about a half hour. he basically told me it's awesome that i got the AIG job, i'm awesome, don't worry so much, and just leave shopko behind. i told him that i told barb (our store manager) that everything's gotten bad since he left. he's all "really?? you said that?" and i'm like "yeah, because it has" and he's all "wow, thanks for telling her that." barb really didn't like emerance and was actually happy to see him go. little does she know that it was thanks to him that the front end ran so smoothly.

whatever. i've got to get over it. a lot of my friends are moving on and i deserve better too.

sir ian is still a paradox to me, but i enjoy talking to him. sort of makes my day. i walked by his office yesterday and saw him in there so i stopped in to say hi. he's all "you like what i'm wearing?" he was in a gray t-shirt and bright blue nylon workout pants. i'm like "um, that's hot. and very official for the air force." and he goes "yeah, it's my air force workout stuff. i can wear what i want" and was so pleased with himself.
he's weird but that's okay. if he was a boring military guy i would have zero interest in talking to him. he keeps me guessing.

i must go grocery shopping and prepare for...wow. one of my last weekends where i work double shifts. actually, it might be THE last one. i haven't known what that's like in...3 years.
times, they are a-changing.

to make things easier for lyle, i'm supposed to go around the house and collect everything that's mine/ours so he doesn't overlook anything when he's packing in the next months.

it is entirely too hard to do so. i know, i know. it's incredibly stupid and predictable of me to have a hard time eliminating myself from this house. i wasn't lying when i said (a month and a half ago?) that i didn't want to leave.

i am slowly getting more and more detached, which is what needs to happen. i watch the ants all over the house attack all-natural body products full of natural sugars and overwhelm the messes on the counters and i don't feel the urge to clean them. the mirror is disgusting. both bathrooms could use a cleaning. the floors need to be mopped. and while i feel bad for having this knowledge and doing nothing with it, i know that no one else cares. why should i?

lyle and i spent a ridiculous amount of money on plants for the house (a bit of a slap in the face, since ryan knew he was kicking us out when he dropped us off to buy them). i spent hours planting and weeding and fixing the soil in the front and back yards. there is a perfectly good $7 tomato plant lying on it's side in the back yard, forgotten. i can't bring myself to plant it. what's the point? i am the only person who would appreciate something like that. sugar snap peas, watermelon seeds, and onion seeds were all ready to be planted. now they're just going in the garbage. there will be a strawberry patch, cherry tomatoes and salad tomatoes for whatever happens to find them lying on the ground, be it resident or bird.

in the end, lyle is spearheading this whole undertaking. which is amazing. when i met lyle he was confident and sure of his abilities. it's really nice to have that guy make such a strong comeback with such enthusiasm. he's decided what he's wanted, what he's comfortable with, and it's really nice being able to take a secondary role in this whole shindig we're about to embark on. i don't have to get excited or convince anyone to do anything. they're already convinced. i just get to go along with the whole thing :) it is a welcome change. plus, if *he* does the scheming, i can't possibly make a mistake >_>

Lyle: plus it's an adventure! you like being nomadic don't you?


it's true, i do. especially with him. especially when he's himself. and as i have written a million times before:

when the wars break out, or when the city loses it's shine, when we get tired of the scenery, if we figure it all out, or even if we lose everything in a terrible downward spiral, we'll split town and find something new to do. it might seem irresponsible to most people, but it's an experience, for now.

i wrote this at 10am before i went and spent my day running errands. i am BEAT. although today, friends, i have truly become a stupid hipster douchebag: i found an argyle sweater. i am also 6 songs away form hitting 70,000 on last.fm